Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
