onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
