yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
