I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
