She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
