I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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