while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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