I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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