Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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