Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
