I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
