I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
