You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
