I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
