Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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