u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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