Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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