I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
