so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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