I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone signed my nipple.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
