OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
