At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
