i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
