that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
