you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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