are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
