Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
