I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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