This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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