She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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