Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
