The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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