But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize