1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
