You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
