Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
