I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
