mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
