if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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