Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
