I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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