even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
