Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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