About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
