how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
