mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she told me i tasted like america
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
