I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
