Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
