I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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