I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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