remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
