my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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