I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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