His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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