can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
