He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
