I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
