So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You were trust falling into bushes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
