he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
