my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
