I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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