Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
